50 Times Failed
by Mairu and Kururi
Summary: Ed and Roy are in love, but Roy can't tell him, nor can he propose. The fails of these two idiots. Because that's exactly what they are. YAOI, T for Ed, adn refferences to sex. Will later just become to random ventures of Ed and Roy. I swear to god, my writing is not usually this crack-a-licious.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I really wanted to do this… I will say, this story will vary from Mustang trying to tell Ed that he loves him, to trying to propose to him. He's basically trying to establish how he feels, an failing. Epically.**

"Ed! I love-"

"Not now!" Ed turned away from Mustang and walked away.

"…you…?"


	2. Chapter 2

Roy was brushing Ed's hair out of his face, smiling down on the beautiful, sleeping boy.

"I love you, Ed."

A snore was his only reply.


	3. Chapter 3

Roy was trailing butterfly kisses down Ed's face, bringing those skilled lips to Ed's. The blonde let out a feminine giggle and opened his mouth willingly as a tongue prodded at his lips.

"Ed, I- ACHOO!"

Ed froze and gave the man on top of him a glare.

"You bastard! You sneezed in my mouth!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Roy, what's that?"

"What's what?"

Ed pointed to the sky.

"Oh! It says, _I love you…_ Ellen?"

"Yeah, Roy. Something you'd like to say to me?"

"…"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I am already on number 14 in my notebook… *win face***

"So you and Winry are getting married?" Ed asked with a smile. Al nodded enthusiastically.

Ed sighed. "You're so lucky. That bastard hasn't even told me he loved me yet!"

"Actually Ed, he told me he tries but you-"

"I mean, the nerve! He tries to have sex with me but hasn't even said that yet!"

"… Um… Brother?"

"He's so mean! I mean, really? He needs to just say it or-"

Al decided to leave quickly and quietly.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a huge teddy bear on Ed's desk. It said _Te Amo, Love Roy._

Ed stared at if for a second.

"What the fuck? Does he really think I know German?"

**I'm aware that it is Spanish. I'm just rubbing in Ed's stupidity. **


	7. Chapter 7

"What are we doing?" Ed asked. Roy as walking him down an empty street, and he seemed excited.

"I wanna show you something." He stopped a wooden gate and pushed it open. He turned to Ed

and held out his hand, gesturing proudly behind him.

Ed stared. "You wanted to show me a pile of rubble?"

Roy's eyes snapped open.

"What?"

"Yeah. Don't you read? It says SCHEDULED FOR DEMOLITION-2:30. It's 3 o'clock now. Fail much?"


	8. Chapter 8

Roy walked up to Ed with a smile. "Ed, I-"

"Did you take out the trash?"

…

"No sir…"

"Then you have no reason to be talking to me."


	9. Chapter 9

Roy smiled at the cupcakes. Each had a letter, so it read I love you!

Just then, Hughes knocked the tray out of his hands.

"That's what you get for teaching Elysia how to do a transmutation circle!"


	10. Chapter 10

"I love you!" Roy yelled.

A girl behind him squealed. "REALLY?"

…

"Um… I explain, Ed."


	11. Chapter 11

"So you're cheating on me?"

"No! I love-"

Ed glared.

"I'm sleeping on the couch, aren't I?"


	12. Chapter 12

Roy wrote _I love you_ in the snow. But it took him an hour to find Ed.

"… So you dragged me out here to show me frozen hydrogen particles? Fascinating."


	13. Chapter 13

Roy planned to take Ed on a romantic vacation to the beach. When he revealed this plan to his lover, Ed seemed stunned.

"You like?"

"You know my automail can't be revealed to severe amounts of humidity, right?"

"Oh."

"Oh is right."


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey, Alphonse! Come here!" Roy called.

Alphonse ducked his head through the door way and walked over.

"Deliver this to Ed. He's in his _assigned_ room."

So Alphonse took the small note to the room Ed stayed in (because if Ed was bored, it was best to keep him in a confined place). He knocked, gave Ed the note, and left before Ed decided to use him for one of his experiments.

Alphonse later went to the grocery with the list Winry had given him.

Instead, he found a risqué note that gave him a VERY good idea of what his brother and the Flame Alchemist did when they were alone.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I swear to go I'm not usually this bad…**

"Ed, for your birthday, I-"

"My birthday was last month."

"Oh."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: *shot dead***

"Ed, I love you~!"

*snore*

"He fell asleep, didn't he."

"Yes sir."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Dumber and dumber…**

"I'm gonna propose," Roy said into the phone.

"Propose what?"

Roy turned around to see Ed standing in the doorway of his office.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

Roy was later found, transmuted to the ceiling.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Why is it that I killed all sacred? I IS A MURDERER!**

"Ed!" roy yelled. "I'm sorry! I'm not breaking up with you! I love-"

He couldn't finish his sentence because he was cut off by the blonde's lips. _I'll tell him tomorrow._


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I'm done with AN's for now because I'm just copying these out of my notebook, so yeah… But I've been at Chapter 50 since I first started this story, so I SHOULD be done by tonight.**

"I love you," Ed whispered as he drifted to sleep.

"I love you too."


	20. Chapter 20

"I just met you~! And this is crazy! But here's my number! So call me maybe!" Roy screamed at the top of his lungs, swaying his hips dramatically.

Ed stared.

Roy stopped.

"What? You don't you like my declarations of love?"


	21. Chapter 21

Roy and Ed cuddled on the couch, watching TV.

"I love-" Roy stopped, seeing Ed look at him.

"Um… This show…"


	22. Chapter 22

Ed had just woken up from a bad beating from Scar. He woke up to see a nurse bent over, working to find something in the cabinet.

Ed was about to ask if she needed help until she turned around.

"Hi Ed!" Roy smiled. "I'm here to take care of you until the doctor comes in!"


	23. Chapter 23

"These~ words are my own~! From my heart oh~! I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you~!" Roy sang.

Ed blushed.


	24. Chapter 24

"ED! I LOVE YOU!" Roy called out.

"Whatever," he said, listening to his iPod.


	25. Chapter 25

**HALWAY BITCHES**

"EDWARD ELRIC!" Roy shrieked from a seat at the bar. Ed rolled his eyes as Roy sat himself on Ed's lap and began to grind onto the blonde.

"I love you," Roy whispered seductively into Ed's ear.

Ed pushed him off his lap.

"Doesn't count."


	26. Chapter 26

"God, my head hurts," Roy moaned as he sat up. "What happened?"

Ed smirked and gave Roy a peck on the cheek.

"I love you too."


	27. Chapter 27

Roy forced the ring onto his finger and showed Havoc.

"So what's with the ring?" he asked, questioning the macho-manly-ness of the glittering ring.

"I learned a trick at the bar last night. You can slip a ring off someone's finger and onto yours. So I'm gonna do it backwards, as a way to propose to Ed."

Havoc nodded. "Show me."

Of course, Ed walked in at the scene of two attractive men having a deep looking moment, staring into each other's eyes and holding hands.

Ed quickly turned around and pressed his back on the wall, holding the bridge of the nose, smiling. "I'm in heaven."


	28. Chapter 28

Ed tried to ignore his phone. He really did. But by the fifth ring, he checked his messages. The same thing from the same person.

ily

"What the hell does that mean?"


	29. Chapter 29

"Let me tell you about _foreplay."_


	30. Chapter 30

**3/5 THERE~!**

Ed had an interview with a reporter. And everyone knew it would summon hell to earth.

So when they heard that he gave the reporter every kinky detail about Roy and his last sex scene, they knew Ed wasn't _touching _hell.

But Roy would be. Very soon.


	31. Chapter 31

After being tailed by obsessive fan girls for over a month, one finally walked up to Ed while he was arguing with Roy.

She smirked and said, "Can I be your bitch?"

Ed smirked and took a step toward Roy. He placed a hand on his lover's crotch and pushed his face up to Roy's, and began to trace his tongue over Roy's lips.

Roy laughed. "Sorry, that's my job."


	32. Chapter 32

"Guess who wants drunk sex!"

"Hey Roy."


	33. Chapter 33

"I will kill you, Fullmetal Alchemist."

"No Scar, I have a new technique!"

And of course, Ed latched onto a nearby lamp post, and began to make his own porno music, grinding onto the pole and shedding layers of clothes.

Both Havoc and Roy stood to the side, fascinated by the stripping teen.

"Um… Sir? What's he doing?"

"Oh, I told him that Scar needed to be stop and suggested this. It's stopped us, hasn't it?"


	34. Chapter 34

"I didn't know you liked horses!" Winry giggled as Ed clung to a stallion, trying not to fall off.

Ed snorted and looked over to Roy.

"We'll there's another Mustang I'd rather be riding."


	35. Chapter 35

"All these bitches is ma son!" Ed sang.

"Ed… You know you're a dude, right?"

"Well, I'm not completely sure, but your welcome to check."


	36. Chapter 36

"Ed, can you take off your pants for a second?"


	37. Chapter 37

"Come on~!" Roy whined.

"I'm not having sex with you on your desk!"

"Come on! We do it all the time!"

"Not with Havoc five feet away from us!"


	38. Chapter 38

"Will you marry me?"

"Where's the ring?"

"…Nevermind?"


	39. Chapter 39

"Edward Elric! Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Do I look like a girl to you?"


	40. Chapter 40

"ED! WILL YOU MARRY ME?" Roy screamed dramatically.

"Sure. Whatever."


	41. Chapter 41

"He wasn't even excited!" Roy ranted, gossiping like a fourteen year old girl.

Ed snickered. "And you say _I'm_ dramatic."


	42. Chapter 42

A dress. He let Winry convince him into wearing a wedding dress.

"Dude, I would so go lesbian for you!"

"Winry… I'm a guy."


	43. Chapter 43

"Do you want roses? Or lilies?" Winry asked, holding both up to the dress.

"I don't want any flowers!"


	44. Chapter 44

"I don't know! I have to be the best brides maid ever!"

"Just pick a fucking dress!"


	45. Chapter 45

"We're done!" Winry shrieked. "It took you so long!" she moaned as she took a place in line at Starbucks.

"What took so long?" Roy asked.

"Oh, hey Roy!" Winry giggled. "We went dress shopping! We're gonna go shop for the honey moon next!"

"Why would you tell him that?"


	46. Chapter 46

"So… About that honey moon…"


	47. Chapter 47

"Put on the dress! It's _your_ wedding day!"

"No! I don't wanna!"


	48. Chapter 48

"Do you, Roy Mustang, take Edward Elric to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Hell yes."

"And do you, Edward Elric, take Roy Mustang to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"You think I put up with his shit for this long to back out now? Bitch please."

…

"Is it safe to assume that's a yes?"


	49. Chapter 49

Edward and Roy lay on the bed, chests pressed together. They're mouths were open wide, their tongues dancing and twisting, caressing each other. Roy felt his hands up Edward's chest, feeling his toned abs. He laughed as Edward squirmed, letting out a moan.

His fingers traced down his chest, and played with the lacy waistband of a pair of underwear Edward had worn for him. He remembered how he thought the idea of Edward in a thong was ridiculous and hilarious. But when he saw it, he felt heat rush all throughout his body.

Edward placed kisses down Roy's neck; his hand's reaching into Roy's pants, grabbing his ass. Roy groaned and bucked his hips forward, his pants slowly growing far too tight. Ed rolled Roy over, so that he was on top. Roy stopped laughing and looked at Ed seriously.

"There is no way in hell that you're topping."


	50. Chapter 50

"So how was your honeymoon?" Alphonse questioned.

"Fine," Ed snapped.

"What'd ya do?" Winry asked.

"Stuff."

Winry and Alphonse looked between the angry Ed and laughing Mustang.

"What's wrong with him?" they both asked.

"He's mad 'cause I wouldn't let him top."


End file.
